On the Thin Within forums, someone mentioned to me that I make this lifestyle sound so simple. These are the thoughts I shared on that forum:
Well, it is simple, but definitely not easy. I know folks probably get so tired of hearing me go on and on about it not being about food, diet and our bodies….
Truth is, I have found God taking me through an extreme desert of testing. Not with extreme challenges like many face, but with where I live such a blessed existence that there IS no excuse. None. For some reason, my own rebellion is smack in my face now. I am in the wilderness and I can see the truth for what it is…and it ain’t pretty! I am so surprised at how my pride kept me from seeing the truth! Even now, I wonder how much pride remains keeping me from seeing just how much truth! The thought scares me! One step at a time, though. He calls me to deal with where I am right now, this minute.
Regarding legalism hindering hearing the voice of the Spirit…
Wow. You sure hit that nail on the head. I know that for me “doing it right” has taken on an entirely new meaning. In the past, my dieting mentality dictated that “doing it right” would have to mean “on such and such a day, I start doing ‘this’ and do it ‘faithfully’ until all the weight is off and then forever keep the weight off.”
Wow…for me that really IS legalistic! That is all about me, my behavior, my success…Boy, I have found myself with my face in the dust now. My healing is there in the dust, too…and I reach for the hem of Jesus’ robe…
Regarding losing lots of weight with Weight Watchers, keeping it off for a time, losing some with TW, keeping it off for a time, gaining some back and finding ourselves so discouraged now…
God is letting me experience these same sorts of “set backs” so that I begin to deal steadily with the underlying causes. It isn’t about my body or food…it is about something so much deeper. I learned not to stay present for the disappointments of life very early…as a child. Now he is gently tearing my coping mechanisms away from me so that I am left vulnerable, naked, exposed. It is tough, but necessary. Though I feel like a 10 year old left to process the emotional challenges of an adult’s life, he is faithful…as I stay present in the moment and present to him, he has been showing me (and I am slow to be willing to see it all, so it is more like layers of an onion) how to become more healthy…I mean more an expression of his healing in a life. He shows me how to experience things I have avoided for years…or numbed out to…or gone into hyperdrive perfectionism mode over…and, instead, be, learn, grow, and allow him to show me his way of processing.
It is messy. It isn’t easy. But it has been this entire food/body/weight/eating thing that he has been using to do this in me. I don’t know if this makes sense….
But that is why I can say simple…yes. Easy, no way.
In fact, to complicate things further, I am unwilling much of the time…and yet another opportunity to learn the lesson he has been trying to teach me has to be presented. Again. Again….and, sadly…again! He is gracious, praise His name!
Regarding being able to beat so many other idols in our lives, yet still finding overeating and food/body issues a remaining stronghold and wondering why it still has such a strong hold on us…
For me, the answer to this question is this remains a way of avoiding the deeper issues in my life. If I can stay distracted by controlling things, my eating, my weight, my appearance, then I don’t have to be present to the Lord in the moment. I can even wrap my attempt to control in “godly” wrappings…Oh, I am so clever! It is just the same issue, with a slightly different appearance.
Regarding wanting to be obedient to the Lord in every area of life, and knowing that eating this way (0 to 5) is definitely God’s call on my life, yet struggling all the same…
Sometimes when I find myself churning I might even pray: “Lord! I just want to be obedient in every area of my life!” He has reminded me that, in moments like that, he calls me to just be like Mary…”obedience” is seen in just sitting at his feet and being present to HIM and what HE wants to do in my life. To set aside all my preconceptions and ideas about what obedience even looks like in this moment. How easy is it for me to even BE still?
The HEAL book asks, in lesson 6, how my life would be different if I wasn’t so focused on eating or food or weight or clothes or fixing it all. Wow…that is a convicting question. Life abundant, being used of God to minister to others…it seems so diminished in light of how much energy I have been pouring into this….aspect…. of my life. Yikes.
Regarding doing all we know how to do…praying, reading God’s Word, more bible studies…repenting again and again…and yet still wondering what is missing…
Being still…sitting…what if, instead of praying, instead of reading His Word, you were to just sit, wait and be still. Can you do that? I know I can’t….or it is really really hard for me. Which tells me a whole lot about myself! What am I running from? During my “quiet times” I am rarely quiet in my heart. Waiting in silence and stillness, listening for the Lord…oh, that is so hard for me…
Don’t know if any of this can encourage you, or anyone else…but it has been cathartic for me to write it. Hope you don’t mind my self-indulgence! :-/
