This morning I was reminded of a principle that I waxed eloquent about a few weeks ago in this blog entry.

As I headed out to feed the horses, I found myself frustrated that I pay so much for hay/feed every 6 weeks. (The delivery had come yesterday, making the usual “hit” to my bank account fresh in my mind.) I was doing anything BUT practicing gratitude…gratitude for these wonderful animals entrusted to my care, the way that God uses them almost daily to teach me truth about life, Him, and about myself, gratitude that my husband has such a wonderful job that I can have a “hobby” like horses, gratitude that I have the land outside my back door where Doc, Harley, Breezy and Dodger live and I can see them each day…Gratitude for the beauty that surrounds me each day.

No, instead, I was “fixing my eyes” on the feed bill…again…(it was pinned to the door of the shed as they delivered it yesterday). As I finished dumping out the hay to eager equine mouths and proceeded to scoop up the manure into the wheel barrow, I was struck by the irony of this…they eat the money (as it were) and then it comes out their other ends and I throw it down the hillside (on to the manure pile).

Add to that the fact that one of them had gotten a hold of one of their winter blankets…expensive things…and thrown it around, tearing it to pieces. Holofill was everywhere. I could just picture Mr. Giraffe Neck, during the wee hours of the morning, discovering the blanket that was hanging over the rail to dry (I had thought it was just out of trouble’s reach). Making mischief, I can imagine him grabbing it with one final victorious stretch and, subsequently, tossing the thing around. I am sure the other three horses had to have a go at playing with it, and I could almost laugh as I envisioned them scaring themselves silly with the flying blankie being flung and shredded during the night. Sigh…Yet more $$ tossed down into the pit in my backyard where the horses live. (Whew…see how quickly I return to that place of “fixing my eyes” on my frustration???)

I came back in the house and, instead of lovingly greeting the family (who had just awakened), I began griping about the cost of each horse, calling myself an idiot for having them, threatening to sell them at “price per pound.” (I would never really do that, but there are times when it is cathartic to fantasize…)

The family just looked at me big-eyed, wondering how bad this tirade would get before I settled down. They each slithered out of the room so as not to be captured in my cross-hairs–I was, apparently, ready to launch grenades…they could tell I was on the rampage…

I groused a while longer and got the old agitated feeling that, over the years, I have associated with “I need food.”

I am so thankful for the work God is doing in me and has done in me. I knew in that moment that I could CHOOSE to “magnify” this issue…the expenses of having horses and how nice it would be not to have them any more (Craig’s list sounded appealing) or….I could choose to magnify the Lord.

I could choose in this moment what I would focus on, what I would fix my eyes on, and make big in my eyes.

I picked up my guitar…in that moment, I decided to fix my eyes on Jesus. I knew instantly what song I had to sing–one by Twila Paris that we have sung at church and that I often find myself singing to myself:

When I look into Your eyes
I see the love that died for me
When I look into Your eyes
I see the hope that I will be a faithful child

Following close behind
Following ever blinded
To the things that should not move me

Saying to my soul
fix your eyes on Jesus
Saying to my soul
fix your eyes on Jesus
Fix your eyes on Jesus
Fix your eyes on Jesus
Fix your eyes on Jesus.

When I look into Your eyes
I feel the grief when I have sinned
When I look into Your eyes
I find delight
When I have been a faithful child

Following close behind
Following ever blinded
To the things that should not move me

Saying to my soul
fix your eyes on Jesus
Saying to my soul
fix your eyes on Jesus
Fix your eyes on Jesus
Fix your eyes on Jesus
Fix your eyes on Jesus.

What began with an act of my will…getting up from the table, picking up my guitar and starting to sing…resulted in my heart changing where it was heading. It was a prayer choosing Jesus.

Each moment I need to choose which kingdom I will be a part of…I can live as one freed from the kingdom of darkness, but nevertheless insist on living as if I am a resident of it…or, I can live as I am, a free child of the King, in the Kingdom of light. When I choose to fix my eyes, my mind, on things above, not on earthly things, it transforms so much of my moment, my day, my life. In that moment, I find myself grateful instead of grumpy, thanking instead of thirsting, praising instead of complaining.

It is in this place that I am where I should be–humbled before Almighty God. He is where He should be in my heart–exalted. King.

I “get” that grabbing for my way in my agitation is just flat out not ok. I don’t even want to do that, in fact. The wonderful thing is, gratitude sort of begets gratitude, begets gratitude…and all of it results in my rejoicing that I have a Lord and King Who knows best. It starts with a choice…a choice to take my eyes OFF of the thing that I am making big in my mind. To fix my eyes on Jesus…

This is what the LORD says—
       your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
       “I am the LORD your God,
       who teaches you what is best for you,
       who directs you in the way you should go.

 If only you had paid attention to my commands,
       your peace would have been like a river,
       your righteousness like the waves of the sea. 

~ Isaiah 48:17,18